Self-Centered Summer

Hey,

It's been a while hasn't it? I honestly don't know how many people read these...but if you do I apologize. Well since last time life has basically been "summer." Lots of sun, family, old friends, and music, music, music. Its funny how that words takes a different meaning every time I say it. From summers past it meant sitting in my room trying to hit notes i never thought i could playing on my mom's old beat up guitar. Not to many summers ago it meant performing in situations i could of never imagined, finding myself, discovery. Last summer it meant lots of last minute practices and adrenaline filled shows with new friendships and fresh emotions and feelings. This summer it means work. Lots of work, and patience. Its alright though. I had a good friend of mine the other day tell me i was looking a bit self-centered and i agree. It honestly bothers me. I'm kind of tired of worrying about all these new things..such as my "image" "look" "sound" "sex-appeal" Sometimes I wish I could just go write a song and record it on my cheapo mic like back in the day..but at the same time I'm thankful for the growth and people pouring into my life. I just feel like I need something new.. something to grab me..like when music first grabbed me. Something that will take my breath away. I'm leaving soon to go to mammoth with my huge family haha I'm kind of looking forward to a week alone with nature. Nature has a way of bringing me back to myself. I think i'll sit by a river and sing whatever comes to mind. Maybe play with my brothers and sister and be a kid again. I've always been a dork anyway. I hope I never lose that. That feeling when your talking to a really cute girl, thinking she's just realized how truly uncool you are haha how you aren't quite mr. suave but thats ok. Thats who i am, and i like that. =) I'm thinking of taking a trip down to downtown L.A. to hang out with the homeless...I might bring some food to share as well. I honestly need a reality check. Life can be so misleading at times, and I've already learned this life doesn't belong to me. I guess what I am saying is that I need to keep myself ultimately centered on others. Remember the ultimate purpose for all of this. Anyway, this summer is going well, and I'm excited to be jamming with the band. We are practicing once a week now which is great, and we have some cool shows coming up! I'm loving the new songs that I am writing and I'm excited for the music video we just finished shooting. But beyond this self-centered summer, i'm ready to look towards the next chapter. I want to find what's beyond self.

Till next time,

John