This isn't my usual disposition.
Maybe its because I've disappointed myself. Especially lately.
I guess its true that when you set your sites so high it hurts all the more when you experience a fall...and ya, things pile up.
I feel like I'm on an island that doesn't belong to me...I'm there alone, but it is not mine. I can't claim it. Being home is different...life at college is a huge change from a home of nine children and a mom and dad...and everyone just keeps growin up.
Today i told myself it was a new beginning, and a few hours later i wound up with a 200 and somethin ticket for rollin through a stop sign...no one said it was an easy beginning. But I'm not giving up. I've been far to blessed to do that.
And its funny to me...how feelings can get me so down..when alot of times they don't even match up with what I actually believe or want. But they can constrict me...tie my hands and feet...like rope. That's honestly how i feel right now. Tied up and useless. But then I realize...that is exactly what God uses...he frees the tied and gives hope to the useless... There are things in my life that I wish i could change, choices made, words said, but the reality is i can't..I have to live with them and hopefully learn from my mistakes.. I can't hold onto my past, and I can't rely on my future..i have to use what I have now..I know that in a few days I won't even remember these emotions, beside this blog.. but as for right now I'm trudging on..and the wheel of life keeps turning..
"you can't love too much one part of it."-JM
You have to embrace the whole ride for what it is.
till next time,